Thursday, August 27, 2015

Birthday girl membebel

Happy Birthday to me!!

26 tahun hidup susah senang dilalui. Bahagia sementara. Berkaki tiga sementara. Berkerusi roda sementara. Fitnah merata. Sihir orang dirasai.

Arini permulaan baru umur 27 tahun. Birthday notification disembunyikan. Mula2 niat tak nak orang wish. Last2 apply leave sehari sebelum birthday sebab lupa birthday sendiri. Sibuk mengalahkan menteri. hahahaha

Pening plus stress bila month end closing dan year end closing bersatu. hampir 3 bulan balik malam. Makin kurus makin keding. who cares..

Handling annual report really tough especially my boss resigned during final audit; but at the same time give me a lot of experiences dealing with bank negara guidelines and MFRS.

Takut dengan masa depan tapi kena yakin dan tawakal dengan Allah. Am i strong enough to face the music?

Plan next year:-
Trip to Singapore
Trip to Kelantan
Trip to Perhentian
Trip to Sabah
Trip to Krabi

Plan --> do budgeting ---> ask approval from Secretary (kes terpengaruh ngan cite mission impossible semalam.. hahaha)

Happy birthday to me again!!

Friday, May 15, 2015

~ No title ~

long time not doing this thing....

counting days..

counting months..

kenapa kan orang jahat sekarang leh bahagia sekarang. 
perkara syirik ni pun orang berani nak buat.
bukan ke once kita dah ke arah syirik, kita dah menduakan Allah?
Pelik tapi benar.
pandai berhujah mengenai hukum hakam serta hadis mengenai shariah tapi hakikatnya syaitan dalam diri lebih berkuasa menghasut manusia.
begitu rendahnya iman kita.
sembahyang 5 waktu, mengaji begitu lancar..
jika diselidik latar belakang dia, sungguh hebat..
tapi hakikat, dia begitu kerdil dalam mengaplikasikan shariah islam.
bukan aku nak jadi ustazah, cuma meluahkan apa yang terpendam selama ni.

Dunia, harta kekayaan, kecantikan, glamour; semuanya diidamkan manusia. kalau aku pun nak jadi kaya tapi sebenarnya Allah jadikan dunia ni sebagai ujian untuk seorang hamba sedar atau tidak sedar akan perjanjian sebelum lahir ke dunia. sungguh kerdilnya aku yang masih jauh untuk menjadi muslimah.

Sempat ke tak aku nak ke haji ni...
counting years kumpul duit pergi haji..
ya Allah.. rindunya pada suasana kaabah yang begitu nyaman..
rindunya suasana di madinah..

aku tak berharta..aku xde kereta sendiri.. aku xde rumah sendiri..
mcm mana nak pergi haji ni..

emosi di malam hari.. sekian..

Sunday, August 3, 2014

cannot think at all


I really hate that word. Misunderstanding keep going on in my life. I don't know why.
I've been blamed for the wrong i didn't do.

Now, i don't know what to do.

My sickness become worsen. I scared to go to hospital.

My life up and down. So, i decided to seek job out of peninsular. Far away from people who knew me. Call me crazy. It's time to move on.

Okay.. now my headache become worsen. Do i need to check my head?
I really need to go to hospital. Please be strong siti!

Call me crazy again. I pray everyday to die soon.

I am so sick right now. Help me mama...

Sunday, July 13, 2014


Stop thinking of them!

My mind keep on thinking many things. Heard about the stories happened to my family. Really shut me down.
I just don't know what to say or to explain. It's hurting me a little bit.

It's been a long time that I missed hang out with my family.

And it's been a long time I don't cook for dinner. So yesterday, I made Chicken Beriani. They love it!
Alhamdulillah. My cooking's skill still great.

Another story, I need to make a choice. 2 good things in different ways. These make me feels guilty.

High school, UiTM, I hate to remember these memories. Hate to remember who I was before.
Islam by the name but not in the soul. Wearing hijab just to cover the outside. I'm so ashamed who I was before.

Many nights I cried to be forgiven is not enough. There is no way turning back to the past.
Undo that should not be do.

Am I able to turn back to be a good muslimah?

He almost perfect in many ways. My weaknesses are his advantages.
No sweet words used at all.
No love words.
Like he said - "tidak mengamalkan syubahah"

See! With this post, it shows my mind keep on thinking many things.

Okay. It's time to make cookies.

Sunday, July 6, 2014


Before Ramadhan, he asked me. What my preparation for Ramadhan? First time a guy ask me like that.So, i said my target is to khatam al-quran during this month. "Sempat ke?.. "

He said to me - How can you say like that? There is no excuse to say "tak sempat".

haish.. Okay.. i try my best to make it happen. Not to show off but to be as usual, once a year khatam al-quran.
You can do it! Gambateh!

So, he story to me what his family normally do for preparation. Celebrating Ramadhan is more happening than celebrating Syawal.

He thinking of me and then, gave me a "telekung". He said that i should wear a new "telekung" to meet Allah.
Make a different during Ramadhan.

Okay.. thanks for the advise. ^_^

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

my ex

Its funny when i found out about my ex.. 6 years i've been with him but he never showed how happy he was during our relationship. Now, he has my replacement. His posts like he was so in love with his 'darling'.

My family said..he maybe wanna make me jealous or something. They said to me, don't bother about him anymore.

In fact, everytime i look at his posts, i will laugh. He is so werido! He never been like that before. Even he never put our picture into his profile picture.

I dont mad at all. I dont feel jealous at all. From my point of view, he choose a girl not a women.

What i realise the most, i'm so lucky that Allah save me from being together with him. A man who dont respect a women, such a useless man actually. Love is just sweet word.

All these days i continue laughing when think about him. How could i so deep in love with him but he never respect me at all. Budak maahad in the end become someone that suppose not to be. I pray for him to change.

If that type of girl that his mom will accept, me speechless okay.

If he read my post, me so glad. I wanna tell him that i have found a man better than him. A man who guide me more in Islam. Always put Allah in everything. Make me feels the sweetness of Islam. He is a man who at first never stop chasing me when i ignore him.

I choose a man because of Allah. My love only arise during the 'akad'. Thats my promise to Allah since my broke up before.

Alhamdulillah for the truth i have found out. Syukur ya Allah..

Saturday, May 24, 2014

stress and leave

All over again.. i am so stress that makes me losing weight 2kilos.
Almost a week i vomit. The worse one last week that 3 times i vomit during office hours. Then, i got a fever.
Almost 3 weeks i'm not having dinner at all. I skip my meal and my gastric become worse.
With all my guts, i stand up and apply leave for 3days. Just to tune myself back and to prepare for my next exam.
People dont understand my situation here. They can say that as an adult we need to control it. It is true but in some situation that they need to know and understand first the caused of it before making the judgement.
I know..who me to them to take care of my feelings. So whatever they wanna say, just go on. Hate to think much about them because they dont think about me at all. So why i need to take care of their feeling, right?
Now i enjoy my holiday. My chest pain has fade away. My bad headache also gone.
I have made a right decision on apply leave.
Thank you Allah for everything.
I just have only You who always by my side.