to have a better life is difficult

my life change now. such a liar if i say that i totally forget about him and say no to kedah but he is already a part of my life. it is true that it is hard for me to stand alone. i'm such like a baby learning to be independent. since i broke up with him, i still single until now. i had close my heart to the other guy. just everyday i pray he will come back to me but.. i know it is likely.
Fadzeelah always cheer me up by doing something. its like almost every week i will date with her at starbucks. i really addicted with starbucks' greentea frab with choc chips. now i spend more on books and keep on searching cheap ticket flight for holiday.

i am very happy when i had dream of him. he ask me about my life while holding my hand. it is like real! but then i didn't see him in my dream anymore. "you always in my mind and i keep on thinking of you everyday actually.." another 7days his birthday coming. deep inside my heart i believe that he had stop loving me.
what should i do now..
question in my mind in every single day.

Activities done and to be done:-

JANUARY 2014 - Trip to Melaka..twice! 1st with azie and nyssa. 2nd time with finance team.
FEBRUARY 2014 - Date with Eiyra. i purposely take AL because of her.
MARCH 2014 - 14 until 17 trip to Perhentian with badminton's geng. then, on 22nd trip to Johor because my brother getting engage.. Finally!
APRIL 2014 - Trip to Lombok with family.
MAY 2014 - Trip to Penang and Kedah with Fadzeelah and Nana.

with yani and azie. many places we went..bukit damansara- wedding.. the curve and ikea..
the next weekend- we- azie and nyssa decided to go to Melaka for fun. at that time azie introduce to us her future husband.

i join badminton club to have fun. i cannot stop thinking of him. i played because he use to play badminton with his friends. i wear sport shoes that he gift to me. i wear that shirt because he choose that colour. everything i do makes me thinking about him. how i love it!
me with nana and fadzeelah. friends that i always say to me.. "Rahmah..jgnlah nyanyi lagu Galau dh...xde hancurnya hati kau tu.." the song i sang everyday in office.

my weight become lesser. from 53 to 49. everytime i try to eat a lot i will throw it back.i lost my appetite. my gastric become worst. my body become thinner. what should i do.. T_T
more weekends to be explored with them. i smile and laugh just to hide my true feeling. i am happy with them but when being alone in the room, i will definitely cry every single night. only fadzeelah could see my eye bag every morning. cannot hide it from her..

"Missing my true love very much and always pray for his safety as he always in my heart.. "