Matured.
I really hate that word. Misunderstanding keep going on in my life. I don't know why.
I've been blamed for the wrong i didn't do.
Now, i don't know what to do.
My sickness become worsen. I scared to go to hospital.
My life up and down. So, i decided to seek job out of peninsular. Far away from people who knew me. Call me crazy. It's time to move on.
Okay.. now my headache become worsen. Do i need to check my head?
I really need to go to hospital. Please be strong siti!
Call me crazy again. I pray everyday to die soon.
I am so sick right now. Help me mama...
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Headache
Stop thinking of them!
My mind keep on thinking many things. Heard about the stories happened to my family. Really shut me down.
I just don't know what to say or to explain. It's hurting me a little bit.
It's been a long time that I missed hang out with my family.
And it's been a long time I don't cook for dinner. So yesterday, I made Chicken Beriani. They love it!
Alhamdulillah. My cooking's skill still great.
Another story, I need to make a choice. 2 good things in different ways. These make me feels guilty.
High school, UiTM, I hate to remember these memories. Hate to remember who I was before.
Islam by the name but not in the soul. Wearing hijab just to cover the outside. I'm so ashamed who I was before.
Many nights I cried to be forgiven is not enough. There is no way turning back to the past.
Undo that should not be do.
Am I able to turn back to be a good muslimah?
He almost perfect in many ways. My weaknesses are his advantages.
No sweet words used at all.
No love words.
Like he said - "tidak mengamalkan syubahah"
See! With this post, it shows my mind keep on thinking many things.
Okay. It's time to make cookies.
My mind keep on thinking many things. Heard about the stories happened to my family. Really shut me down.
I just don't know what to say or to explain. It's hurting me a little bit.
It's been a long time that I missed hang out with my family.
And it's been a long time I don't cook for dinner. So yesterday, I made Chicken Beriani. They love it!
Alhamdulillah. My cooking's skill still great.
Another story, I need to make a choice. 2 good things in different ways. These make me feels guilty.
High school, UiTM, I hate to remember these memories. Hate to remember who I was before.
Islam by the name but not in the soul. Wearing hijab just to cover the outside. I'm so ashamed who I was before.
Many nights I cried to be forgiven is not enough. There is no way turning back to the past.
Undo that should not be do.
Am I able to turn back to be a good muslimah?
He almost perfect in many ways. My weaknesses are his advantages.
No sweet words used at all.
No love words.
Like he said - "tidak mengamalkan syubahah"
See! With this post, it shows my mind keep on thinking many things.
Okay. It's time to make cookies.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Ramadhan
Before Ramadhan, he asked me. What my preparation for Ramadhan? First time a guy ask me like that.So, i said my target is to khatam al-quran during this month. "Sempat ke?.. "
He said to me - How can you say like that? There is no excuse to say "tak sempat".
haish.. Okay.. i try my best to make it happen. Not to show off but to be as usual, once a year khatam al-quran.
You can do it! Gambateh!
So, he story to me what his family normally do for preparation. Celebrating Ramadhan is more happening than celebrating Syawal.
He thinking of me and then, gave me a "telekung". He said that i should wear a new "telekung" to meet Allah.
Make a different during Ramadhan.
Okay.. thanks for the advise. ^_^
He said to me - How can you say like that? There is no excuse to say "tak sempat".
haish.. Okay.. i try my best to make it happen. Not to show off but to be as usual, once a year khatam al-quran.
You can do it! Gambateh!
So, he story to me what his family normally do for preparation. Celebrating Ramadhan is more happening than celebrating Syawal.
He thinking of me and then, gave me a "telekung". He said that i should wear a new "telekung" to meet Allah.
Make a different during Ramadhan.
Okay.. thanks for the advise. ^_^
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
my ex
Its funny when i found out about my ex.. 6 years i've been with him but he never showed how happy he was during our relationship. Now, he has my replacement. His posts like he was so in love with his 'darling'.
My family said..he maybe wanna make me jealous or something. They said to me, don't bother about him anymore.
In fact, everytime i look at his posts, i will laugh. He is so werido! He never been like that before. Even he never put our picture into his profile picture.
I dont mad at all. I dont feel jealous at all. From my point of view, he choose a girl not a women.
What i realise the most, i'm so lucky that Allah save me from being together with him. A man who dont respect a women, such a useless man actually. Love is just sweet word.
All these days i continue laughing when think about him. How could i so deep in love with him but he never respect me at all. Budak maahad in the end become someone that suppose not to be. I pray for him to change.
If that type of girl that his mom will accept, me speechless okay.
If he read my post, me so glad. I wanna tell him that i have found a man better than him. A man who guide me more in Islam. Always put Allah in everything. Make me feels the sweetness of Islam. He is a man who at first never stop chasing me when i ignore him.
I choose a man because of Allah. My love only arise during the 'akad'. Thats my promise to Allah since my broke up before.
Alhamdulillah for the truth i have found out. Syukur ya Allah..
My family said..he maybe wanna make me jealous or something. They said to me, don't bother about him anymore.
In fact, everytime i look at his posts, i will laugh. He is so werido! He never been like that before. Even he never put our picture into his profile picture.
I dont mad at all. I dont feel jealous at all. From my point of view, he choose a girl not a women.
What i realise the most, i'm so lucky that Allah save me from being together with him. A man who dont respect a women, such a useless man actually. Love is just sweet word.
All these days i continue laughing when think about him. How could i so deep in love with him but he never respect me at all. Budak maahad in the end become someone that suppose not to be. I pray for him to change.
If that type of girl that his mom will accept, me speechless okay.
If he read my post, me so glad. I wanna tell him that i have found a man better than him. A man who guide me more in Islam. Always put Allah in everything. Make me feels the sweetness of Islam. He is a man who at first never stop chasing me when i ignore him.
I choose a man because of Allah. My love only arise during the 'akad'. Thats my promise to Allah since my broke up before.
Alhamdulillah for the truth i have found out. Syukur ya Allah..
Saturday, May 24, 2014
stress and leave
All over again.. i am so stress that makes me losing weight 2kilos.
Almost a week i vomit. The worse one last week that 3 times i vomit during office hours. Then, i got a fever.
Almost 3 weeks i'm not having dinner at all. I skip my meal and my gastric become worse.
With all my guts, i stand up and apply leave for 3days. Just to tune myself back and to prepare for my next exam.
People dont understand my situation here. They can say that as an adult we need to control it. It is true but in some situation that they need to know and understand first the caused of it before making the judgement.
I know..who me to them to take care of my feelings. So whatever they wanna say, just go on. Hate to think much about them because they dont think about me at all. So why i need to take care of their feeling, right?
Now i enjoy my holiday. My chest pain has fade away. My bad headache also gone.
I have made a right decision on apply leave.
Thank you Allah for everything.
I just have only You who always by my side.
Almost a week i vomit. The worse one last week that 3 times i vomit during office hours. Then, i got a fever.
Almost 3 weeks i'm not having dinner at all. I skip my meal and my gastric become worse.
With all my guts, i stand up and apply leave for 3days. Just to tune myself back and to prepare for my next exam.
People dont understand my situation here. They can say that as an adult we need to control it. It is true but in some situation that they need to know and understand first the caused of it before making the judgement.
I know..who me to them to take care of my feelings. So whatever they wanna say, just go on. Hate to think much about them because they dont think about me at all. So why i need to take care of their feeling, right?
Now i enjoy my holiday. My chest pain has fade away. My bad headache also gone.
I have made a right decision on apply leave.
Thank you Allah for everything.
I just have only You who always by my side.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Last trip to over the sea
Mark on calendar.. 20th April 2014 (Sunday), lovely memories created! 5 days 4 nights not enough okay.
me not sleep at all on 19th April because:-
1. late packed my things. "Padan muka.."
2. scared of missing flight due to papa wanted to go to LCCT at 5a.m on the dot! (my fault for not suggesting a better time of departure..)
my uncle.. our pilot that fly us to Lombok. he himself asked AirAsia to allow him to take that job.
At Senggigi Beach Resort. See the wave..
On the way to Gili Island.
I know it is nice at Gili Island. The sea is so blue. No filter at all.
Mini town at Gili Island.
Traditional transport still being used until now.
Me with my brother waiting for food. A unique restaurant's environment there.
Snorkeling with my brothers. Love it!
Love the sunset. I always dream of honeymoon at beach and see the sunset together while holding hands.So romantic okay.
Nice view. I know. :)
Lombok have 2 waterfalls but we only capable to reach at first stage of waterfall. 20 minutes walk with a little bit hiking make us so exhausted but in the end, we're happy when reach there.
Pit stop at rumah orang asli Lombok while waiting coconut juice to be served by them.
A view from resort.
Another view.. our selfie before go back home.
in this picture, the mountain back there is actually Bali Island. Eventually foreigners will stay 2,3 nights at Lombok then go to Bali by ferry; which only takes one hour to reach there.
It is worth spent my bonus to Lombok Island. This is my last trip to over the sea.
Now it is time for saving for future.
Enough for enjoyment.
Time and memories heals my heart back.
No more love, no more pain. But in the and, I still need a love to follow the sunnah.
Like Azie said to me, "don't ever hope to someone who never remember of you, never need you, never
serious to you and who never take care of your soft heart.."
she don't want to see me being hurt again.
I love you, sis.. :')
me not sleep at all on 19th April because:-
1. late packed my things. "Padan muka.."
2. scared of missing flight due to papa wanted to go to LCCT at 5a.m on the dot! (my fault for not suggesting a better time of departure..)
It is worth spent my bonus to Lombok Island. This is my last trip to over the sea.
Now it is time for saving for future.
Enough for enjoyment.
Time and memories heals my heart back.
No more love, no more pain. But in the and, I still need a love to follow the sunnah.
Like Azie said to me, "don't ever hope to someone who never remember of you, never need you, never
serious to you and who never take care of your soft heart.."
she don't want to see me being hurt again.
I love you, sis.. :')
Memory
"My All"
I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side
I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight
Give my all for your love
Tonight
A song that i sang to Najib a long time ago. Just a memory that suddenly go through in my mind.
Qada' and qadar Allah. I have no right to question of it.
I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me be right
'Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side
I'd give my all to have
Just one more night with you
I'd risk my life to feel
Your body next to mine
'Cause I can't go on
Living in the memory of our song
I'd give my all for your love tonight
Baby can you feel me
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight
Give my all for your love
Tonight
A song that i sang to Najib a long time ago. Just a memory that suddenly go through in my mind.
Qada' and qadar Allah. I have no right to question of it.
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